Lesson 2: When to Tie the Knot
Introduction:
You know you want to get married at some point, but you aren’t sure when. Maybe after you graduate from college, or find a steady job, or have enough savings to afford an expensive wedding. Or maybe you’re afraid of the opportunities you’ll miss out on. PhD and professor of family life, Jason S. Carrol, interviewed unmarried people in their twenties about how they felt about marriage. These young adults “frequently talked about how marriage would ultimately take things away from them. They said they would be losing things like freedom and individuality” (2017). In contrast, married adults in their twenties, “consistently talked about all the benefits that had come into their lives because of being married” (Carrol, 2017).
Nationwide, the age at first marriage has risen dramatically in the past decades (Brown et al., 2022). This means that young adults are taking longer to find a spouse and settle down. Whether the reason is schooling, finding a stable job, or any combination of factors, young adults are prioritizing other things over marriage. While there is benefit to having education and money before getting married, there is also a lot you could be missing out on by getting married later rather than earlier. So, is it better to get married earlier when you’re inexperienced and don’t have everything in order, or to wait to get things in order before settling down?
For me (Megan), deciding when to get married took a lot of consideration and evaluation. I chose to serve a mission for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints when I turned 19. This meant leaving behind my college education and my high school boyfriend. After I returned, I decided to resume college at a new university. Only then was I ready to even think about looking for a future spouse (the high school guy didn’t work out). When I did meet someone up at school that fit all of my specific criteria, we had to decide together when marriage would work for us. This meant getting all of our ducks in a row from finances to him leaving for summer sales to the time of year we wanted to have our wedding. We settled on October 21, 2023 and I can say with certainty that it’s the best decision I’ve ever made.
Questions to consider:
When do you want to be married?
What do you want to do in life before you get married?
What do you want to do in life with your spouse?
If you are planning to have children, what age do you want to be when that happens?
How long do you want to be married before you have your first child?
What do you expect out of marriage?
Benefits of marriage
Marriage, especially at a young age, is linked with many benefits. This video from Ben Shapiro talks about what he views as the benefits of marriage at a young age, compared to what society is doing now.
Consequences of delaying marriage
Age at first marriage in the United States has risen dramatically over the past decades (Brown et al., 2022). What is the reason for this rise in age? Two main reasons are that young adults are taking more time in establishing their education and careers along with a cultural shift of seeing marriage as the thing to do after you’ve done what you want to rather than a foundation for adult life (Hymowitz et al., 2013). For men, delaying marriage can lead to a lower personal income when they reach their thirties (Hymowitz et at., 2013).
On a national level, the biggest consequence of delaying marriage is referred to as the great crossover (Hymowitz et al., 2013). This crossover refers to the average age at first birth being older than the average age at first marriage (Hymowitz et at., 2013). This results naturally in more and more children being born out of wedlock, the consequences of this are of a great magnitude.
Deciding for yourself/conclusion
Ultimately, when you get married is up to you and your spouse. There are so many factors to consider that it takes a lot of thinking and prayer to make sure that the decision is right. When that time does come, be ready to enjoy the benefits of marriage but also realize that it does take a lot of work to have a high quality marriage. In the next lesson, we’ll explore specific conversations that you can have with your significant other before you get married. Things you might not think to talk about.
Homework
Write down your thoughts and answers to the questions at the beginning of the lesson.
Write down what obstacles you might encounter when preparing for marriage.
Talk with a friend about your hopes or fears about marriage.
Additional Resources
An article from a BYU professor on the consequences of delaying marriage
Knot Yet: The Benefits and Costs of Delayed Marriage in America
A compilation of research put together by professors at BYU
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